What fears are normal at what age?
Age-related fears appear naturally as the psyche matures. Up to a year, these are loud noises, loss of support and unfamiliar faces. At 1–3 years of age, fear of separation from mother comes to the fore. Between 3 and 6 years of age, imagination blossoms, and with it comes fears of the dark, monsters, dreams, and animals. Younger schoolchildren develop an understanding of the finitude of life - hence the fear of death, illness, and loss of parents. Adolescents are dominated by social fears: speaking in front of the class, being rejected, looking ridiculous.
- Up to 1 year - loud noises, strangers
- 1–3 years – separation from parents
- 3–6 years – darkness, monsters, fairy-tale characters
- 6–10 years – death, illness, school
- Teenagers - peer assessment, public speaking
- Fears replace each other and usually pass
When fear becomes a problem
You need to focus not on the content of fear, but on how it affects life. It becomes a problem if it persists for more than a few months, is not age-appropriate, causes a strong reaction at the slightest reminder and causes the child to avoid important things: school, sleeping in his own bed, socializing, going out. Also alarming are physical complaints before school, regression of skills and sudden changes in behavior. In these cases, we may be talking about an anxiety disorder that responds well to treatment.
- Fear interferes with sleep, study, and communication
- Avoidance of school, kindergarten, friends
- Lasts longer than several months
- Inappropriate for the child's age
- Pain in the stomach and head appeared in the morning
- Skill regression and bedwetting
- The child does not let go of the parent for a minute
What increases fears
Children are very sensitive to the condition of adults: parents’ anxiety, quarrels, conversations about illnesses and dangers in front of the child increase his own fears. A significant role is played by the content that the child sees: frightening cartoons, videos and news, especially before bedtime. Intimidation for educational purposes is harmful - threats to give it to someone else's uncle, to leave it alone, to punish it with a doctor or an injection. Anxiety and ridicule, devaluation of feelings, as well as the opposite extreme - complete avoidance of frightening situations with the child, intensify.
- Anxiety and conflicts in the family
- Scary content and news before bed
- Intimidation for educational purposes
- Mocking a child's fears
- Drastic changes: moving, changing schools, having a brother
- Avoiding scary situations with your child
- Lack of sleep and overloaded schedule
How to help at home
The most important thing is to recognize the child’s feeling and not argue with him: fear is real for him, even if the reason seems ridiculous to an adult. It is useful to speak calmly, name the emotion in words, and come up with a way to cope together - a night light, a favorite toy, a bedtime ritual. A gradual approach to the frightening works: in small steps, with support and praise, but never through coercion. Drawing fear, playing it, reading stories where the hero copes help well. And be sure to have a stable sleep schedule and a predictable daily routine.
- Acknowledge the feeling and don't make fun of it
- Putting emotions into words
- Bedtime ritual, night light, favorite toy
- Gradual addiction in small steps
- Drawing and acting out fear in a game
- Limit scary content, especially in the evening
- Stable sleep pattern and predictable day
- Do not intimidate or promise what will not happen
Specialist help
If fear persists and interferes with life, a child psychologist or psychotherapist works. For preschoolers, play and art therapy is used, for older children and adolescents - cognitive behavioral therapy with a gradual approach to a frightening situation. An obligatory part of the work is parents: their anxiety and reactions greatly influence the result. For severe anxiety disorders, especially if the child is unable to attend school, the doctor may discuss medications, but they are never the only option and should only be prescribed by a specialist.
- Play and art therapy for preschoolers
- Cognitive behavioral therapy for children and adolescents
- Mandatory work with parents
- Examination by a pediatrician for physical complaints
- Interaction with the school in case of refusal to attend it
- Medicines - only as prescribed by a doctor and in conjunction with therapy